There are choices that look like consent on the outside but are really just survival in disguise.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why did I stay?” or “Why didn’t I say no?” or “Was it even abuse if I didn’t fight back?” — this is for you.

Because predators count on one thing above all else:

They don’t need to smear your name. You’ll do it for them. Quietly. Over and over. Until the story isn’t about what they did, but what you should have done differently.

That’s not accountability. That’s psychological capture.

“You Let It Happen” Is a Lie

Let’s be real: you may have technically said yes, stayed in the room, answered the phone, gone to the event, signed the paper. But what nobody saw was the invisible pressure wrapped around every one of those choices:

• The threat of rejection, abandonment, punishment, or exposure

• The internalized fear of being “difficult”, “dramatic”, “selfish”

• The freeze response masquerading as politeness

• The trauma bond whispering, “Don’t ruin this”

You didn’t choose that freely. You chose it while being psychologically cornered.

And that’s not a choice. That’s coercion.

Survival Isn’t Stupidity

You know what’s underrated? Survival.

The freeze. The fawn. The go-along-to-get-along. These weren’t flaws in your character. They were features of your nervous system doing what it was designed to do: keep you alive.

Don’t confuse what worked with what was right. You did what you needed to do. And that doesn’t make you complicit. It makes you intelligent.

You Were Targeted, Not Chosen

You weren’t drawn to them. They were drawn to you.

To your empathy. Your boundaries-in-progress. Your need to feel safe, seen, or useful. And the very things that made you vulnerable — your big heart, your loyalty, your trauma history — became the hooks they used to anchor themselves in your life.

This wasn’t attraction. This was strategy.

The Weaponization of Responsibility

Manipulators love to frame harm as your fault because if they can make you carry the blame, they never have to.

So they say things like:

• “You never said no.”

• “You kept coming back.”

• “You knew what this was.”

And if they’re especially good? They add: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

But harm isn’t canceled out by silence. Consent isn’t valid when fear is in the room. And responsibility isn’t real when you were never given the power to say no safely.

How to Know If It Wasn’t Really a Choice:

Here’s a trauma-informed lens for clarity:

• Did you feel like you had to?

• Did you say yes to avoid punishment, abandonment, or escalation?

• Did you blame yourself after, even though you felt violated?

• Did you stay quiet to preserve the peace or avoid drama?

• Did you downplay it because it “wasn’t that bad”?

That’s not informed consent. That’s conditioned compliance.

Real Tools to Reclaim Your Narrative

1. Name It Honestly.

2. Write the Real Story. 

Create a timeline of events, but this time include what was happening inside your body — fear, freeze, dread, confusion. It reframes the narrative from “what you did” to “what was done to you.”

3. Share Safely. 

Tell it out loud to someone you trust. Or write it. Or voice record it. Let the truth exist outside your head. Manipulation thrives in isolation.

4. Build Choice Back Into Your Life. 

Start small. Practice saying no to things that don’t feel safe or aligned. Your brain needs to re-learn that you have a say.

5. Remember This:

Final Word

This wasn’t your fault. Even if you stayed. Even if you said yes. Even if you called them back. Even if you loved them.

You were surviving. You were targeted. You were doing your best with the tools and information you had at the time.

You don’t need shame. You need truth. And the truth is:

— Cody Taymore

More From Kill The Silence:

• What No One Tells You About Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse

• How Therapist Abuse Starts: The First 10 Red Flags I Missed

• The Covert Narcissist: 11 Signs You’re Dealing With Evil in Disguise